i’m so fucking annoyed and bitchy. i want to hit something. not just hit it, but i want to destroy it. i want to tear it to fucking shreds. i want to beat my dad over the head with a fucking brick right now. i’m crazy and i realize it. years of his shit is just getting out of hand. what if i did go grab the gun and shoot him? that would be too easy. i’ll leave one day, and i’ll never come back. he will die a lonely old man because he made this bed. he did this to his sons. every single offspring he has produced hates him. it’s his fault though.
this adderall is keepin’ me awake, and now that i’m two cups of coffee in, i don’t think i’ll be sleeping til tonight :) lol i am going to frankenmuth with my mom and annie today. we’re gonna run those streets like i ran wayne. shit y’all better watch out. oh yeah is it raining still? let me check facebook really quick.
5 oclock. that’s what time it was. that’s the time i got to tylers work. he works at the kroger gas station. well we got there and i couldn’t go in yet, it was fairly busy and he had to sneak me in. i waited exactly 53 minutes before going in. when i approached the door, i was nervous. why? i’m not quite sure. we weren’t doing something illegal, and i personally had nothing to lose by him sneaking me into his work. well when i got in, it was nice and cool in the backroom/bathroom where i sat. it was actually very cold. 69 degrees he said. the light and fan were connected, and if i turned one on the other came on as well. the noise prevented me from talking to tyler, which completely defeated the purpose of me being there. so i shut the light off, and cracked the door. he was busy, so there i sat. reading. i was reading a book i always said i’d never read. the book was loved by all my friends and inside i felt that if i was to read it then i would just be following the trend of everyone else and reading the book. so i sat for about 3 minutes, bored. no service. phone was useless. so i opened the book. i was not to be disturbed until 8:27, when tyler said to leave for a minute and that someone was going to be coming to his station for some reason. so i quickly hurried off back into the heat and sat in his car. i read and i read and i read. the time was 10:37 when i finished. the book won me. it engulfed my life, and my attention for over 5 hours. it was amazing to me. i sat there waiting for him to get out at 11. a kitten walked passed the car, and i saw that it had no collar. i usually don’t feel bad for strays, but this one stared at me. desperate it was. it started walking towards the main rode so i decided to pull a pop tart out of tylers glove box and unwrap it and feed the kitten. the kitten just looked at me as i dropped it out the window. it walked slowly past the trees and headed toward the busy road. i whistled, it came back out, looked at me, and i drove away. i put gas in tyler’s tank, which we didn’t pay for, and i watched from a distance as the kitten ate the pop tart. when he came out, i told him what happened. it was beautiful. i felt beautiful. and by “felt beautiful” i don’t mean that i thought i looked beautiful, i mean it in a different way. very different. i felt so beautiful. i just imagined that if beauty were a feeling, rather then just an adjective, that’s what beauty would have felt like. now i know i’m no writer, my grammar isn’t the greatest, and my knowledge of literature is far less than alot of people. however, that book changed a part of me. whether the change was for today or forever, the book did move me. that book was called The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. it was a thursday. 5oclock. the beginning of the rest of my life. my eyes were opened.
i just get so sick of rude ass people. for a couple days i’m going to vanish from all my friends except for a few close ones, and i’m going to do nothing but focus on myself. i have a life outside of the internet. i’m so fucked up in the head recently. why do people turn to their online therapist, rather then a real one? sometimes i think about suicide, but i would never do it because i want to die. i would do it just to see what is out there. what is after life? don’t worry about me folks, i’ll be just fine. like i said, i’m really fucked up in the head right now.
what has life been for the past 7 days? it’s as if a part of me was missing, and that part was filled in with something new. something productive. something harmful. ugh what am i doing awake right now? what a great question. goodnight all. xoxo. bye.
“I know you hate me now, but I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the best weeks of my life, and making me feel loved. I just didn’t want to leave things at me being a bitch. And I was a bitch, but only because you were an asshole. Also, thank you for showing me what kind of guy is wrong for me. And that’s you 100%. I don’t want us to hate each other, or love each other. I want us to pretend like we have no idea who the other one is, because the last thing I want to do is fall for you all over again.”—Kendall Ann Carter (via kendallcarter)
Pretty sure you've always wanted to see me naked.. Well.. I'm feeling pretty adventurous today so go to datelink2(dot)com (switch [dot] with .) then sign up and find my profile under the username 'lolsummer69'. I hid my face in the pictures. but I want you to guess who I am and then hit me up on Facebook lol. Good luck.